On Tao May 27, 2008

Tao: the unconditional and unknowable source and guiding principle of all reality as conceived by Taoists.

The process of nature by which all things change and which is to be followed for a life of harmony.

often not capitalized : the path of virtuous conduct as conceived by Confucians

often not capitalized : the art or skill of doing something in harmony with the essential nature of the thing [the Tao of archery, or the Tao of vacuum cleaning]

That’s why I like tao. There’s a certain friendliness to working “in harmony with the essential nature of the thing.” Of course, if you don’t know the nature of the thing, you might need a good manual: See “Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance” for an exposition on the different types of people: those like me, or my sister, who prefer a sort of “romantic” notion of how things work (they just should, and if they don’t, somebody should fix them, yesterday); and those who are interested [and may I add "capable"] of knowing the intricacies, the inner workings of the thing (like my husband, or my sister’s husband).

The Tao, in the broadest sense, is the way the universe functions, the path [Chin. tao=path] taken by natural events. It is characterized by spontaneous creativity and by regular alternations of phenomena (such as day following night) that proceed without effort. Effortless action may be illustrated by the conduct of water, which unresistingly accepts the lowest level and yet wears away the hardest substance. Human beings, following the Tao, must abjure all striving. The ideal state of being, fully attainable only by mystical contemplation, is simplicity and freedom from desire, comparable to that of an infant or an “uncarved block.” (from www.bartleby.com/65/ta/Taoism.html)

If you’re stressed, do something serene, like sit in a church or visit a museum or have lunch alone under a tree. Why are you stressed? Can you dump something from your schedule, or is it deeper? Did you mistakenly accumulate the wrong priorities? How can you shift them back? If you think about what would make your life more harmonious, you’re heading in the tao direction.

Age is in the mind May 22, 2008

Today I saw a blog that gave some basic tips on how to live longer. Very sensible – cultivate family relations, have healthy living habits, and have a purpose in life. Interestingly, stress was not mentioned. Interesting because stress is supposed to be at the root of other fatal diseases – heart conditions, for example.

I went for a long, slow run in the rain today, and felt physically tired (it’s heavy weather and my legs felt heavy too). I got home and lit the stove, and have been feeling emotionally tired ever since. Old. Tired and old. This is not good – anyone who’s seen the documentary film “What the Bleep do we Know?” will realize how much our own thoughts affect our health. I don’t want to be old!

I phoned my sister in law to see how frustrated she is at the moment, waiting on the Canadian embassy in Beijing to finalise her student visa. A long and frustrating story! One result is that she and her husband (myh brother) are a bit stuck for ideas. If the visa doesn’t come through that scuppers their whole year. But, I sugested, isn’t that just another sort of opportunity? It’s difficult to see it that way when you’re banging your head against a thick, red-taped embassy wall.

During the conversation (where their year gets scuppered), age came up – are we too old to go back to school? What’s the right age to have children and what age is too risky? I’m older than they are, so am I too old to be venturing into reading law and trying a few exams? The thing is, if you decide you’re too old to start something, eventually you’ll figure you’re too old to start anything – including getting out of bed. My Mom takes that one quite literally – she makes sure to be up early each morning so she doesn’t waft around in life, now that her children are all grown up and she doesn’t have to be responsible for others.

Getting old can’t be staved off by Botox or facelifts, only by attitude. It would be foolish to say physical ageing doesn’t affect our attitude, though. Of course, if you suffer from arthritis or angina or blood pressure problems, that will affect your level of activity, which can be a bit of a catch-22, since and an active life helps produce the right brain chemicals (serotonin, for example, is produced during sustained exercise) to make you feel happier.

Yoga gives me a positive catch-22: My motivation for keeping up my practice derives partly from the knowledge that if, at age 70 or 80 I can still touch my toes, lie comfortably on my tummy, sit cross-legged and just maybe enjoy a shoulderstand or headstand, I’ll be physically independent. If I’m physically independent, I’ll be active, and will therefore probably have a sense of purpose to my life, since I’ll have the capacity to do stuff. So even if I drop dead of a heart attack some day, I’ll have lived well all the way through.

Ah, me and my plans. As John Lennon put it: life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans. Just carpe diem, baby.

The Tao of Too Much Driving May 19, 2008

How to make lots of driving harmonious with my existence? Listen to the children.

It’s guilt-tripping to drive so much, knowing about the carbon footprint we’re creating for ourselves… However, our children are in schools 1/2 hour away, and the buses are so badly coordinated that we’d end up on the road more rather than less trying to catch different buses at different times. So this year my husband and I decided to share share the school runs and drive all the way to school each day.

Last week I had collected my five-year-old and he had many interesting observations. Here are two (accompanied by emphatic chubby-5-year-old hand gestures):

Doing nothing makes me tired, but doing something makes me un-tired. … Eating is something that I do that doesn’t make me tired. [followed without pause by:]

I know what cow poos look like. (Oh?) They’re greenish brownish. (How do you know that?) I went into the cow field once [pause, to see if I'll reprimand for going without permission into the cow field]… and I saw the big brownish but with greenish … stuff… sort of greenish brownish poos. (I see.)

There was more… I’ll have to take notes. This is our 4th child and I don’t seem to tire of their unique observations. My dad’s favourite is “empty puddles”. That’s what potholes were to my daughter some years ago. My niece, aged 4, hand out to feel the rain drops beginning to fall, said “I can smell the rain.” In French, “sens” (“Je sens la pluie”) can be smell or feel, and my niece was learning both, from each parent. The translation to English was priceless. (Of course, you can smell rain too, but I’m quite sure she meant “feel” the rain drops on her hand).

Listening to the older children brings me up to speed on the latest crude & rude school yard sayings as well as all the lyrics to Avril and Killers songs. Aren’t I lucky.

My Sister’s Wedding May 17, 2008

I’m missing it. It’s 7:10 pm here in Europe, and 2:10 pm in Quebec, where the dress must be on and the last minute details falling into place.

Baby sister. Last in the family to be married. How could this happen?

This is how: I have a son. Today was his First Communion. The dilemma of choosing between these two events was not easy, but in the end I thought I should be here.

So, I am thinking of my sister, affectionately known as “Ckynny” (short for skinny Cynny), and wishing her all the best in her life with the wonderful AMA. I love you! Congratulations! Good luck! xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Meanwhile, we had a happy, children-centered service this morning followed by tea, biscuits and lots of chat school friends and their families. A big class: just over 60 in R’s year receiving their first communion. Girls gorgeous in their white finery, boys looking dashing and all grown up in jackets and ties.

The Real Cinderella Story: How to be Happy Ever After May 13, 2008

All you need is an attitude adjustment. I say “all” as though it were that simple. Ha!

Here’s a story about attitude adjustment: Girl grows up in middle-class family dreaming Cinderella dreams. Rich handsome prince will sweep her off to a better life.

Princes pending, girl goes off to Asia to at least pursue a career. Girl grows into woman, marries adorable man, has beautiful children… and moves away from it all, to organic farming and poor cash flow. Rage ensues (cue orchestral cresendos, storm whipping up, villain’s black magic gathering power). But as the proverbial sun comes up (or in this case, light goes on in woman’s head), it occurs to her that even if Versace is no longer on the menu and she is doomed to read about billionaires on their yachts, rich girls in Jimmy Choos, and the rise of Botox every time she picks up a glossy, life is still beautiful. As the light grows brighter, it occurs to her that possibly… can it be?… life is MORE beautiful than before. Yachts, Jimmy Choos and Botox-free is actually NOT a punishment. Adorable husband and beautiful children is a great gift.

Pretty boring ending, eh? I’ll have to work on it. Needs glitz, glass slippers and all that. Or maybe the readers, the whole human race of readers, will have a light go on in their head, and this ending will turn out to be the best there is.

cinderella; or, the tao of housecleaning May 12, 2008

Hands up who likes housework! … anybody? …

I once read that doing housework can actually give you the blues. I’ve found a solution. It’s the old “exam cram” type approach. Step 1: Don’t do any until you have to. Step 2: Prioritise for OPTIMUM RESULTS! None of this whole-house nonsense, there’s never time.

The babysitter was coming on Saturday. An unusual event in itself, that we were going out. Spider webs hung in every corner of the house. You may find that hard to believe if you’re at all house-proud, yet it is no exaggeration. In my defence, may I note that we live in an old house with an established spider population, so they’re quick off the mark with the webs. Plus it’s baby-spider season so they’re in a population boom.

I thought I’d have all of Saturday to dust, scrub and polish. Instead, I had to take my children to their riding lesson. That was the morning gone. Luckily I’ve established a bit of a cleaning routine with the children: every Saturday the older ones alternate between vacuum their room and cleaning the bathroom. 2 rooms down, 4 to go.

I had to prioritise and work fast. Kitchen and dining room were a must, because dear babysitter likes to sit near the stove and read with a cup of tea after the children are gone to bed. A lot of odds seem to collect in our kitchen, from bills waiting to be filed to empty jars waiting to be recycled. Cobwebs were brushed upstairs and down, then kitchen scrubbed, then dining room stove scrubbed, then the hoover came out. Downstairs bathroom was done last (nothing like a fresh white towel to say “I just cleaned the bathroom!) In 3 hours I’d made 4 rooms + stairwell look cared for.

Now it was time for the fairy godmother to work her magic (that was as daunting as the cleaning itself, but eventually I ended up with a bit of gloss and polish about me, presentable for a big bash of a birthday party!) In a Beckam-esque coincidence (I swear!) my husband and I happened to dress in navy and pink.

Of course, this still leaves the entire upstairs in dire need of a clean, and the sitting room needs to be done for Wednesday, when I have a yoga friend coming over. But as I sit in the dining room typing away now, the sunbeams haven’t any dust sparkling and dancing in them. I’m sorted for… well, at least six months: as Joan Rivers said, “I hate housework. You make the beds, you do the dishes, and six months later you have to do it all again.” Hear hear.

Country lifestyle at its best May 6, 2008

The joys of working from home… going outside when I feel like it. Sunny day, mild temperatures… We all had a dip in the River Slaney yesterday, cold & refreshing. T bought a wetsuit and swam for about 1 1/2 km downstream then a bit back upstream, over weirs, to where we were swimming. Of course, we are all aware that the river is polluted – shame – but none of us seem to get sick (this is our third year splashing in too much nitrogen, and no doubt sewage, despite the developed economy we live in. Picking up your own crap doesn’t come easily to many of us).

I guess this means I have time to go for a jog to start preparing for the Flora Women’s Mini-Marathon, Dublin, June 2nd 2008. 3 weeks! I’m trying to duplicate my time of less than 60 minutes for the 10k. If anyone sees this post and is interested in donating in support of PestalozziWorld, a charity that educates poor but bright children in Asia and Africa, visit www.PestalozziWorld.com to donate on-line, or directly to the bank account. A donation of any size would be appreciated!

I had a wee sample of cake. 8-year-old made it (chocolate & orange), the icing is decadent (butter, icing sugar and orange & lemon juice & rind. Yummy!) for little brother’s birthday, who is 5 today. Happy birthday!

what causes breast cancer in a teenager? May 1, 2008

My friend A and I had a great time yesterday, sniffing aromatherapy oils. No, it wasn’t a way to get high, we were just comparing quality. A has just finished a full-time course in natural therapies in Carlow. She has started to make her own organic skin creams & other products, in addition to offering Indian head massage, reflexology, and yoga courses at her home. I tried a sandalwood hand cream… yummy. And she made me a shea-butter-based lip balm (I was running out of my conventional one) with rose and sandalwood. Fabulous. And she’s mixed another hand cream for me (she is an angel).

We were chatting about the benefits of organic and additive-free body products and she told me about a 14-year-old who found a lump in her breast. Can you imagine? What a horrible fright. And what causes such a disease in someone so young? Does our mind do it to us, or is it really the chemicals in our deodorant (and on our food, and in the air…)? In any case, that teenager’s mother sure made a quick switch to natural products.

But what’s “natural?” Read the label! If you’re not good at reading labels, subscribe to The Ecologist magazine! They do an article every issue on what’s in commonly used products. You’ll learn. (Your life may depend on it!) My friend had been learning about parabens and sodium lauryl sulfates and sodium laureth sulfate – cheap cleaners used in shampoos, soaps, etc, and said to be carcinogenic and irritants. She has no interest in cutting corners, is keeping her products absolutely natural and organic, and makes up bespoke products for clients based their needs.

Our sniffing exercise showed us the difference between really good quality organic essential oils, and cheaper ones. For the really good organic ones, have a look at obus.ie. Don’t faint at the prices – we compared price lists too and obus’s can be double the cheaper kind. It balances out when you realise you only need a drop of the good stuff to 2-3 drops of the cheaper stuff.

Anyhow, A uses the good stuff in her creams. What a difference it makes. Even 11 year olds can tell – mine nabbed my new lip balm to take it to school this morning. We agreed to share…

If you’d like to know more about A & her products drop me a comment – I’m not sure how willing she is yet to have her details posted to the world!

Madonna April 29, 2008

Thank goodness for the Ray D’Arcy show on Today FM and Beat to keep me awake on the school run. Today it was Dis Madonna Day, lots of texts came in about her. Mostly related to Madonna aging un-gracefully, though a couple defended her chameleon-like career. (After a while, though, pointed out Ray, it all becomes so new-all-the-time that it’s a bit bland).

My favorite: “Stop dissing Madonna. Leave the poor chap alone.”

Here’s a question: if Madonna is so unpopular, how come she sells so many albums? Even at the fit old age of 50 she’s still gyrating… I mean generating… more revenue than I ever will in a year.

Anyhow, I wouldn’t mind having Madonna’s butt, but only if I didn’t have to do the work. I’m now working up to the Flora Mini-Marathon in Dublin on 2nd June and despite my (admittedly meagre, so far) efforts to run – in addition to doing yoga, a bit of gardening and other minor physical activities – there’s not a lot of change happening to the ol’ glutes. It’s a BIG muscle group and not an easy one to keep UP. So I suppose, since Madonna’s been keeping her butt up for about 30 years (since she gave up chips and beer), you could say she’s a symbol of “global sustainability.” In the most unintended way. That’s nearly funny…

Nutrition of the soul April 28, 2008

As a parent I am keenly aware of nutrition for our children, especially as we’re vegetarian. Then there’s the feeding of the mind, which can’t just be left to schools (and my home-schooling friends would say it shouldn’t be put in the hands of the schools at all, for best results!). We try to teach bits at home, from table manners (social) to piano scales (cultural) to how to mow the lawn or plant carrots (natural), as you do.

Feeding the soul is tricky. It requires my time. I haven’t got much time. But here are a couple of rules of thumb to make best use of little time.

Listen. If you don’t, it could take a lot of your time. If the child – say, bouncy 8 year old – starts babbling on about some incident at school, with far too many details that are not relevant to the point, listen by repeating back the main points as s/he goes along. They’ll keep focussed on the story and you’ll get to the point before the parsnips burn to the bottom of the pan.

Ask. If the 4-year-old can’t get a word in edge-wise, he’ll start talking A LOT LOUDER to be heard. If you ask him, “what do you think?” or “what did you do at school today?”, everybody is aware that he’s about to speak, and he’ll probably start babbling on too once he’s got the floor, but you can conclude the conversation with a quick summary (“that sounds like a great outdoor time, playing 3 games!” ) or even “that’s great”.

Ask the teen, or you’ll never find out (opposite of 4-year-old who’ll shout it out). Ask about how friends are doing – a great way to get into what’s actually happening at school (the friend will have said/done/been done to even if your teen hasn’t).

Play. Today I spent 10 minutes watching a gymnastics video and getting 2 of my 3 gymnast children to try a couple of artistic moves. Usually they moan about “extra” work of any kind, yet they seemed quite interested and enthusiastic about it this time. On Saturday I spent about 8 minutes demonstrating my wondrous (actually quite limited, but to the kids, wondrous) basketball ball handling skills. I’m too lazy to keep going for very long (and as mentioned I don’t have much time) but just this short period got them going for about 45 minutes – and from there they went onto the lawn to play badminton. Usually they fight on Saturday. It’s like a Saturday routine: Get up extra early because we don’t have to, watch TV before parents make us turn it off, fight.

Listen, ask, ask, play. All for short but focussed periods of time. Eventually, they’ll all get along, grow up, earn a living, be happy, and take care of their wondrous parents. Well, one can dream, can’t one?