As a parent I am keenly aware of nutrition for our children, especially as we’re vegetarian. Then there’s the feeding of the mind, which can’t just be left to schools (and my home-schooling friends would say it shouldn’t be put in the hands of the schools at all, for best results!). We try to teach bits at home, from table manners (social) to piano scales (cultural) to how to mow the lawn or plant carrots (natural), as you do.
Feeding the soul is tricky. It requires my time. I haven’t got much time. But here are a couple of rules of thumb to make best use of little time.
Listen. If you don’t, it could take a lot of your time. If the child – say, bouncy 8 year old – starts babbling on about some incident at school, with far too many details that are not relevant to the point, listen by repeating back the main points as s/he goes along. They’ll keep focussed on the story and you’ll get to the point before the parsnips burn to the bottom of the pan.
Ask. If the 4-year-old can’t get a word in edge-wise, he’ll start talking A LOT LOUDER to be heard. If you ask him, “what do you think?” or “what did you do at school today?”, everybody is aware that he’s about to speak, and he’ll probably start babbling on too once he’s got the floor, but you can conclude the conversation with a quick summary (”that sounds like a great outdoor time, playing 3 games!” ) or even “that’s great”.
Ask the teen, or you’ll never find out (opposite of 4-year-old who’ll shout it out). Ask about how friends are doing – a great way to get into what’s actually happening at school (the friend will have said/done/been done to even if your teen hasn’t).
Play. Today I spent 10 minutes watching a gymnastics video and getting 2 of my 3 gymnast children to try a couple of artistic moves. Usually they moan about “extra” work of any kind, yet they seemed quite interested and enthusiastic about it this time. On Saturday I spent about 8 minutes demonstrating my wondrous (actually quite limited, but to the kids, wondrous) basketball ball handling skills. I’m too lazy to keep going for very long (and as mentioned I don’t have much time) but just this short period got them going for about 45 minutes – and from there they went onto the lawn to play badminton. Usually they fight on Saturday. It’s like a Saturday routine: Get up extra early because we don’t have to, watch TV before parents make us turn it off, fight.
Listen, ask, ask, play. All for short but focussed periods of time. Eventually, they’ll all get along, grow up, earn a living, be happy, and take care of their wondrous parents. Well, one can dream, can’t one?
Hear hear! That is just so right. As a child therapist, I see so many children who have problems and while I’m working with them on the problems, I find out that at home often no one plays, listens, asks or, for that matter, cares. You may have “not much time” but you sure are doing all the right things! And with teens (talking about my own now), asking seems to elicit more than grunts *if* there is a habit of listening to their judgement, expertise and opinion about other things. Great post!
Hi PhychMum, Thanks for your comment! Since you’re in the field, it’s great to hear that you think we’re doing ok in this household! One never knows…
I hear ya on the teenage “grunts”! We occasionally get past those to opinions etc… Always feels like such an achievement.